The Battle of the Will
Father…not My will, but [always] Yours
be done.
LUKE 22:42 AMP
I am the mother of a very gifted child, who also fits the textbook definition of “strong willed.” This will is something I celebrate most of the time. I enjoy her spunk, admire her passion, delight in her fierce loyalty and determination. I recognize the value of her strength and know that if it is properly bent—not broken—it can be a beautiful thing. I dwell in these lovely possibilities most of the time. The rest of the time I am either praying or pulling my hair out. Or both.
Yesterday was a hair pulling day. My daughter
asked me for something she wanted. It was a simple request
and I’m sure seemed to her a very good thing. To her it was
not much to ask, and I could have easily said yes. But, as
her mother, I could see that it wasn’t the best thing, and
the answer I gave her was no.
A fit ensued. There was kicking and screaming and much gnashing of teeth, which had to be dealt with accordingly. After peace was restored, there was opportunity for discussion.
In my great wisdom I explained that happy obedience takes a lot of trust. “You obeyed me,” I said, “but only after I disciplined you. All of the crying and resisting caused you misery and wasted precious moments of our lives. Wouldn’t it have been better to cheerfully accept the answer I gave you, even if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear?”
“But I wanted you to say yes,” she replied.
“I really wanted that and I didn’t understand why you said
no.”
I told her, “You have to trust me that I know
what is best, even when you don’t understand. I am your mommy
and that is one of my jobs—to know what you need and to give
it to you. When I say no it’s because I can see that
what you want is not what you need.”
This was all hard for my kindergartener to digest. She wanted her own way.
“Grace,” I said, feeling the irony of her name for the millionth time, “Do you know that I love you very, very much?”
“Yes.”
“Can you trust me to do the thing I believe is best for you—the thing that will bring about the most good in your life—because of how much I love you?”
A pause. “Yes.”
“You need to think about that when you ask
me for something. Then, if I say no, you can be just
as happy as if I said yes, because you know I will
only do what I believe is good for you.”
She eyed me warily. Then, finally, she accepted what I was saying as the truth.
I pray the concept, as a little seed, takes root somewhere in her six-year-old heart. It’s a lesson she’ll refer to again and again, as I was reminded that night in my prayers—another strong-willed child presenting her requests.
“Father, I really want this and this and this and this to happen. Can I have those things, Lord? You, who have infinite wisdom, can surely see how wonderful it would be. And, with inexhaustible resources, You can bring it to pass, can’t You, Lord? Will You? Soon?”
“I certainly can, and I may. That’s for Me
to decide. But, what if My answer is no? What then?
Can you trust Me, as you advised your daughter? Do you really
believe that I know best?” came the still, small voice.
Humbled, I had no alternative but to practice what I had preached. I had to lay down my will before His perfect will and trust His love.
Elisabeth Elliot writes that “sometimes His
greatest mercies are His refusals.” I don’t like hearing that
any more than my daughter likes hearing no. But it’s
the truth. He knows best. And the happy, obedient child of
God trusts in His love, however He chooses to answer our questions.
An old hymn puts it this way: “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus—but to trust and obey!”
Gwen Ford Faulkenberry
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